It's in the Journey

In two more years, women will celebrate 100 years of suffrage.

We suffered for suffrage and

100 years later, we are still working, working toward

a better tomorrow,

and making progress.

Inch by inch. Step by step.

It’s amazing to think about what my mother has

laid witness to.

She tells me I’m lucky to live in a time when women

are given opportunities

she could only dream of as a child

if only these dreams were available to her.

Now, I look at my daughter and think

how lucky she is

to grow up in a time when women are

heard.

I remember when the definition of

happily ever after

was a man coming to save the day.

When girls were shown in perilous situations,

helpless to help themselves.

I remember when feminism was a nasty word.

The connotation being hairy armpits

and unpredictable behavior.

 

Now the understanding is

strength in unity.

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Yes, lots of work has been and continues to be done.

However, thousands of years of invisible social contracts ingrained in our brains have frozen our understanding of women’s role in society.

Much has changed. And yet, much hasn’t.

I know I seem contradictory, but let me try  to explain with the following anecdote.

Even though most women now work full-time, it is expected that they will also take care of the children and the housework and the cooking and the… (etc. etc.).

Not that these expectations are verbally said, but they are certainly silently expected.

I guess I can’t speak for everyone. I can only speak for myself and for the dozens of women I have talked to about this topic.

If I don’t do it, it just won’t get done. That’s my mindset.

And it needs to get done.

Whatever it is: the floors, the dishes, the laundry, organizing papers or mail or toys…

Without even considering the absurdity of my expectations for myself, I repeat the mantra get it done, get it all done.

But that’s crazy.

When I slow down my ever-racing brain, I realize I’m contributing to my family by bringing in money to pay bills and by making sure my daughter is happy and healthy. Outside of that, I’m doing what I can.

I wish I could do it all, but the truth is I simply can’t.

I can’t balance it all on my shoulders.

Whenever I hit this wall, when I’m so insanely stressed I feel like I am losing it, that is the point when I finally ask my wonderful husband to take on a little extra

and he does without complaint.

Although it may not seem like it, my point is

women are badasses.

We take on the world, and then we take on a little extra

and when that little extra pushes us over the edge, we decide that we’re not happy.

We need to train ourselves to ask for help when we need it, before reaching that precipice. Our biggest deterrent is sometimes our own selves.

At least some of that can be due to the hidden expectations buried deep in our psyches.

Exposing these hidden expectations is a step in the right direction.

I am woman, hear me roar

but

         sometimes I need support.

No shame in that.

What are some hidden expectations you have noticed in our society?